Baka

I'm in one of those 'must type now!' states.
I feel like I'm doing somthing of importence, or just making use of my time while typing, reporting, or simply get out some thoughts I know are there waiting to get let out.

The energy/process it takes to think of something to type about. Such as; opinions, beliefs, and all of the above.

Reaching out trying to find something for yourself to feel you've found something that you're supposed to be doing, like a meaning of your life.
A purpose.

Days like these are never easy for me. The restlessness gets even more unbareable.
My impatience gets even harder to handle, and my frusteration begins to boil. I can't stay still and do nothing without feeling I'll blow, and begin scream out of so much frustration.

There's no where to go, nothing I can think of that will satisfy me, and keep me entertained.

All this is simply foolish, you'd think if I were really this bored anything and everything I could find would be accpetable to try. But that isn't it!
It's more like I am so unbareably bored that nothing is enough. I need more, I need something huge to take away this... thought of empty and pointlessness of my life, to be completely rid of.

I need something that'll use all I am capable of. Something that requires movement/effort/stamina, social and conversational skills and real thought. Something that'll build my experience in what I'll need in my life, not for pointless fun and entertainment that'll end up to nothing when it's all done and over.

I do not want to live a fool's life. Only enjoying the things that have no after meaning, and build up to no future nor useful experience for yourself. That is only filled with desire to want material things that only give pointless and hollow emotions/feelings.

I want more than what the world has to offer. No foolish and idiotic "boytoy" or any type of relationship will suffice.

Does no one want more than what you can find in this world?? Is everyone fine and comfortable with electronics, fashion, emotions, items of the world that you find no desire to build and find more for your life??! This is what I believe and I'm sorry and I do not mean it in a hate kind of way, but if you are happy and satified with these things that everyone says is "awesome" and "popular", all the things that you find such a desire in to make a habbit that begins to be something you depend on to feel happy, to feel your life is worth living...

You are a fool.