New Years

I've been thinking about the end of this year and the beginning of the new one that's soon to come.
And I've always liked the idea of having something in mind to accomplish.
So I've thought I'd get a list going, I've got two things in mind to do so far. And I'm fine if I can't think of anything more, I'm doubting I'd be able to uphold the only two I have planned right now. Isn't it something like within the first couple weeks of the new year %80 or more people have already failed in keeping up with whatever their New Years Revolution ideas were. Pretty sad, but most likely very true. I don't think I've actually stuck to one thing through out my whole life so far. But it won't do any good to give up trying.

So my Resolution ideas were; crap I forgot.... Oh yes! Okay, it was to write something either on here or in a note book once (or more) everyday that passes for the entire year, about most anything, emotions, events, etc. I'd probably make a seprate blog for that, most likely called "Day to Day" or something cheesey like that. And secondly was to start vlogging (posting videos) on YouTube, I've been wanting to do it for awhile now. I have a good camera, editer, an account, and blah blah blah, all I need is motivation.

So I'm prayin' these ideas will take flight and I'll feel a little better about myself being so unmotivated to do anything constructive.

Flowers

If I were a flower. I'd want to be something exotic in looks, something someone admires, respects, and desires. But I want to be untouchable, unable to be grasped. I want to be toxic, to keep all away but others still grasping to stay as close as possible to my sight and presence. Colors don't matter, neither does smell. I just want to be noticed; yet never to be obtained by another.

Yeahhh

I'm afraid to just be myself, with all the mistakes and imperfection. I feel like people won't understand and will judge me without acknowledging I'm just human like themselves, I'm not perfect. I'm afriad of being hurt.
So I hide myself away behind either being silent or saying things of little importence. I build the wall with my own hands yet I hate it with everything I am.
I wish people would listen with unjudging ears, and not be so quick to spout their opinions. Just listen, that's all. Ask me things and hear me out, I think and use my brain not everything I have to say is junk as it's normally treated. I'm not always right, but before you bash me down with your correction at least see where I am coming from.

Though I hold part of the blame in why I feel closed off. I have not been giving much effort in trying to brake my walls down, or speaking up. I'm just afraid, that even if I give it my everything, to be understood and acknowledged. That I'll be ignored, thrown out, and judged.
I pray I over come this, or someone will come along that will break my walls and be understanding and wise that I've been needing to see in someone.

Poem? Song?... Who Knows.

And I know what'll happen next, I have already seen it happen three times. You'll tell me you'll stick with me, that we'll always be 'best buds'. But it's ok, there is only so much you can do. It's not what your used to, to try so much harder just to keep connection, no matter how long we make it last, there's always an end, and it always comes to fast. But that's ok, we'll live on. You'll make new friends, and your mind will be filled with all that comes along. And I'll still remember all the times each one of you had made me smile. It may seem like pointless hurt I put myself through at times, but I'm positive my memories and experiences are worth it in the long run. I don't know how long I'll remember how you all looked, everything you've said, or what made you laugh. But know that I'll miss this, these days that I look on to a tomorrow knowing that I'll be acknowledged by so many different faces and smiles. I'll long for it in my moments alone stuck inside my head, trap to see my better days. But you know what, it's life. We live on, we fight on, and soon we just forget.

Take My Shoes?

I wish I could have someone live my life just for a day, see the way I see things; through my eyes. And I the same for multiple people.
Simply imagining being in someone else's shoes never comes close to completely justifying the whole concept of who that someone is.

I don't know why I am alway so fixaided on understanding people, the whys, hows, and the misuderstood. Just things outside myself in how they work and why they work the way they do is so, intriging.

It's a normal human desire to be understood, it makes us feel less alone, more importent, and needed. These are emotions we all base a lot of our actions off of, even if we don't realize it.

If you think thuroughly enough you'll always find little things we do that we think aren't a big deal can always lead back to one of these emotions: Fear, loneliness, selfishness, and lust. I most likely didn't name them all, but those are some of the main ones.

I don't really know what brought on this subject. I just wanted to focus my mind on something other than silly, foolish, and narrow minded things. I like to keep my view big with my mind open and clear. And daily life doesn't very well help in seeing and focusing on something other than only what's going on in my life, and all the things and people surrounding it.

I really hope someday soon in my life I'll be doing something far greater than myself and the simplicitys of life. Something life saving and changing for others and myself. I want to know what it truely means to be humble and selfless. That isn't something easily achived and grasped. It takes wisdom and knowledge, and that is something I believe we all should strive for, to become better people all together. Not just for ourselves, or others. Something/someone even bigger than that.