All In All.

It's funny how the littlest parts in me, my personality are the ones I can't stand the most, and they always prove to be the hardest things to kick.

I've changed a lot, but I guess there are some things that will always stick to you like glue (sometimes worse than just glue).

I don't want to become someone entirely different, that's not what I aim for. I try to change to become better, to get rid of the things in me that hold me back from being/doing the things I want to accomplish.
And there are plenty of things in which we make apart of ourselves that we hold on to, like emotions, thoughts, and beliefs that effect how we think, the choices we make, and how we act that we simply do not need, and only effect us and lead us to doing what's wrong, and blur our vision to seeing what is actually right, and what is the truth and what's the lie.

And I. I choose to live higher than myself, I want what's right, I want truth, not pleasure, items, or empty happiness that only last for a certain amount of time. I want happiness that will last on its own, without me having to try and make it, but know it'll just come and last on its own.

Change can be good, and in the same way it can be bad. It all depends on who and what you are changing for, and what methods you're taking to change.

My Testimony

On May 30th I gave my testimony in Sunday service, in front of many people. I had it written down, but I didn't memorize it, so I missed a few points I was meaning to make.

All in all... it was ok, and I pray that the Lord was and is able to use it in some way. Everyone said they really liked it. but to me... it was far from being finished, I feel it wasn't yet qualified to be called a 'testimony'.
Because I have yet to finish or even come close in coming to live the life God has made for me, or even to say I live for him. I have many, many goals to be done, and changes to be made in me.

There is still so much I have yet to experience to be able to give a testimony. Though, I don't regret speaking that Sonday morning, because I realized. I want to do it again, I want to speak about God, and be ready, practice, get better at it. To push me to learn so much more about him, who he is, what he wants, how he feels, and what he has said.

I hope I will have another chance, so I can feel I am getting closer to him, and become ready.

Wants. Needs.

I want to live for him.
I want to be able to say he's "My God"
I want to feel/know, his love, power, strength, and mercy.
I want to live that life.
I want to learn/know wisdom, truth, understanding, love, and all of his righteousness.
I want to be happy.
I want to know him.
I don't want to cry.
I don't want to feel hopeless, and helpless.
I don't want to feel dead, and wait to rot away.
I want Jesus.
I want the Lord.
I want God.
I want Him.

Feelin' Good

From yesterday night, looks like my life is looking up, and is going to be a lot lighter. I can’t explain how, but if everything works out and I do the things which need to be done. Everything will just fall into place.

It’s hard for me to just sit and write when I’m feeling that what I’ve been writing so far is portraying me to be someone I’m not. But sometimes all I can do about that is just ignore it and go along doing as I have been, and not give up.

Well I’ll go on to explain why I am feeling my life is taking a wonderful new turn. Simply put, I’ve got no doubt and found great faith. So I am doing superb~

That’s all I’m putting in for today, since I am not going to be on tonight and won’t be able to write some ongoing, boring, depressing, and pointless rant. Yuppie! I should stop sitting around giving my self so much time to pout. Just to ponder dumb things to make myself in a bad mood, only making me feel life is worse than it really is! Gorsh, sometimes I see myself as being the one person I dislike most. Now that is bad.

Well so long, and I will go off and enjoy this extremely hot and humid day!

Eager for Something

Being restless is one of the few things I find quite difficult dealing with.

Is it because I haven't yet experienced my invisioned eventful and adventurous life? Most likely.
I’ve always felt I had to do something, something big, exciting, inspiring, challenging and revolutionary.

Out of all the things I’ve tried to fill this desire, none have yet to feed the hunger. I wish it were simple to solve, that an idea would pop in my head, and that would be it! My life would have it's purpose and never again will I come to ask myself "what am I doing?".

I am a hard worker, when I’m motivated towards whatever task I have at hand, something I know is bigger than me and will make a positive impact. You could say, “There are a lot of things that would fit that description”, ah yes that is true. But it wouldn’t be “it”, you see I’m not simply looking for ‘anything’ to do; I’m looking for ‘the thing’ to do, and that is a lot easier said than done.

I don’t like bothering with other things that are not “it”, because doing that is just going to make me go through certain situations, and do a lot of things that will end up taking me no where closer to my goal, places I’m trying to get to, and where my life is exposed to be headed. So I’m at a stand still, and I’ve been in it a lot longer than I would ever like to. And I don’t know how much longer I can take it, but when that time comes when I absolutely have to do something, the thing I’ve been looking for better come running and show its face.

Proud to be Stubborn.

I’m happily stubborn. When I don’t get the right amount or responsibility, and limits in my life given to me by my parents, I happily make my own.

Now since I am considered quite responsible by my parents as it is, that gives me a lot more freedom of choice. In a way of course that’s good, but than it is up to me of what I know I am ready for, and what I am not. And it can be tempting when knowing it’s only my own rule stopping me from doing anything I want.

This is where my stubbornness comes in, if I did not have that and my own strength to stay firm I’d be in a whole lot of “blissful”, “excitement”, and crazy situations.
Now I ask you to take note of this if you are the ages within the pre-teens to young adults. Simply because you can, does not mean you should, and that it’ll always turn out fine afterwards.

We all need to know the responsibility we all carry for our own lives, and well being and where our lives are heading to in life. So take thought before hand, and don’t always make your decisions off of what your wants are. But off of what is right, and what you absolutely need. And think highly of yourself and your life, never consider yourself worthless! Because no matter WHAT, that is never true. Be proud, be stubborn, and be strong. Amen!

All Those That Can Hear, Lend An Ear.

I'm confusing; I know, I can get my mind lost in mazes of deduction, conclusions and human made beliefs.
Why? I'm human, and that is my moment of stubornness.
When I'm convienced I can do it by myself, I don't need help and I get determinded to cause self sabatage in my life.

I know it's due to ignorance and reluctance to admit I don't have a clue as to what to do, in any situation. This is all to true for everyone, espeically adults. I know parents it's hard to admit that you did wrong, but to teach your children true strength is to fess up that you don't know everything and you make mistakes. Like everyone does, as long as you tell them you're trying your best and you only do what you do with the best intention, any child can come to understand and respect that.

I often think how to go about expressing my thoughts and beliefs to others to the best of my ability.
Seeing the conversation from their point of view seems to be the best way to look and come about it. I think; "what if someone said this to me?", "would I be able to understand where they were coming from?", and "is this the best possible way to word this conversation to keep their attention without anger/saddness/disappointment?" though this depends what exactly you're trying to make the other person feel, but beware we all shouldn't want or try to make anyone feel anything other than happiness, joy, etc.

We all want others to listen and want to listen to our hurt, thoughts and everything that makes us who we are. But you won't get that unless you know how to go about asking for that from soemone.

If you come to someone whinning and begging, no doubt you'll probably rope in some unwilling participants, but you'll only end up bringing yourself and others frustration. With the result ending in everyone trying to avoid you from then on out.

Now guilting someone into hearing you out is not only cruel but manipulating. If you become that person, you'll never have someone truely there for you and you will always feel alone.

Those of you that run and deny every ounce of emotion you have of the need to be loved and accepted, you're denying yourself happiness. You're causing yourself such pain and hatred that you begin to make yourself believe that no one can or will ever love you. Do not let yourself get to that point, you are loved and you are worth every bit of happiness.

I have gone through each one of these strategies all in order to be heard, accepted and loved. What I've learned so far is, you must love yourself in order for others to love you. I know this may bring frustration to you, it had me.

See how can you come to love yourself, if you have never experienced being loved by another to know how to love yourself? Here is your answer; Jesus. Understand and seek him, you will be so overwhelmed by his unending, unconditonal love. It's hard not to want to shout, cry and laugh all at the same time because of the outstanding and powerful feeling of relief and joy.

It's something so great that even beginning to grasp how much he has and always will love you, makes every painful memory, every burden and sorrow you've been barely getting yourself through, gets washed away. Explaining just how beautiful and amazing his love is, is a trick in itself, it is indeed difficult. But please, if you want joy, happiness and every burden on your shoulders lifted and taken away. Search and come to him with all your problems and sorrows.
Pray believing and humbly asking for what you truely cannot take on by yourself anymore, and he will save you, love you and care for you. And believe me he wants to, he's always right there waiting for you to put it in his hands, so you don't have to deal with the burden on your own.

He made you intending you to live being happy, properous and joyful. You're life is a blessing, put it in Gods hands and he'll make sure you live seeing and feeling that every second you spend walking along side him.

In life you should always be asking yourself questions, to really understand what your living for and why. Otherwise if you're going about life clueless as to why you do anything, that is the description itself of being the "living dead".
To start off, I will leave you with a question to ask yourself; are you happy?
If you answered no, you can do something about it right now. Pray to God and tell him, tell him you're not happy, you want more from life and you need him. To make everything right, to take away whats been bringing you down and he will surely answer.

What is Your Purpose

So far I've had a pretty slow sailing life, from what I recall in my younger days; there wasn't too much excitement. Yet not the typical life of a young adult in America.

But I've long thought; it's about time I do something. I need to make a change, goals, accomplishments and experiences. Though I have yet to find out what it is I want to do and accomplish.

I've always wanted to make a great impacted on this world and it's goings, dont we all? Many go to the internet to reach that goal, it has become quite a revolutionary impact on how we all live today.
For example, YouTube, Blogging, and Tweeting. There are so many more sites I still have yet to come across, there are just too many to mention and count.

Coming back to the point, is what do I do? Where do I start? I don't want to continue contemplating how I wanna do this and accomplish that, but never take that first step to start. This is where thought needs to become action, but what is it that will be mine. My own idea and creation to claim and say this is my calling, my purpose.

I do not simply want to jump onto whatever wagon comes along because everyone else is doing it, I want to construct, build, create and drive my own wagon! That eveyone that sees it will think "there's Hannah, no mistaking that, there's isn't anything else like her".

I know it may sound a little childish, but isn't that life? To want and strive to create something of your own, like no other? That when all is said and done, you can look at all you've created, every path you've chose and decision you've made and be proud. Knowing that you made a difference and made great use of your life.

God always has something bigger in store for you. You're life will never be wasted in his hands, and letting God take control will never be something you'll regret. No doubt He will always be the answer, if you're searching for that something in life to make it worth living. To find your purpose and calling, the Lord has got something in store for you and you will not be disappointed.

Revamped Rant

So I'm different, at least according to what the "norm" is in this day and age.
I try to the best of my ability to not be bogged down to the simplicities of this world. That seems to catch much too many in its web.

Our minds really have no limit, so why should or would we continue to think about the little things in which we have already thought to death? Renew your mind with every day and your day will be new. We do not have to live everyday just like the other, what makes our days just like the one before it; is because we don't let go and move forward from the thoughts we've been continously getting our minds trapped into.

It is never a bad thing to think, but there are bad things to think about and there is such thing as thinking too much. With too much thought, you take no action.

Let's not lose individuality. Think for yourself, ask questions and wonder why things are.

Lets upen our eyes, stop living within our minds and start living. The life that's right in front of us, the one we've been neglecting from what you can truly make it. With action, goals and accomplishments.

One thing you always realize when you're striving and doing more to get yourself further in life. Is you are capable of more, becoming, making and having so much more to yourself. We are capable of so much more than we've even come to realize yet.
We simply have to work for it to get there, to see that improvement. And it is worth it, believe me it is.

Be yourself, break away from the world and all the alikeness to everyone else. Think for yourself, be you, the you that no one else in the world could ever be. Become that person, become yourself.

You may or may not understand what I am speaking of, but if you do want to understand. Than you will, that's what will be the beginning to get you to make that first step, in searching for the truth. Something that's more and bigger than yourself and everything our typical daily lives consist of.
If you want it, you will find it and you'll never regret starting the search.